i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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