no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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