we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
