youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
