do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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