i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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