Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
