You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
