This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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