I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
