I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
