Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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