You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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