if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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