I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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