wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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