If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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