i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
