Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Screwed.edu
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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