I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
