dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We need to get me chipped asap
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
