the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
