oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my poor anus
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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