i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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