My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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