dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
