giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
