carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
