i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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