Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
