threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
