friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
