Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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