Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
