The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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