I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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