I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
