Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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