I skipped work to stalk him.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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