no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
