Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
