My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
