I'm gonna have a badass scar
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
