spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
