My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
