Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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