I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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