Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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