It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Panties = found
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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