I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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